School Council Parent Presentation! Emotional Regulation Parent Engagement Session #1 - Emotional Regulation, w/ OT Martha Scott Learn typical patterns of development and how to best meet the needs of your child to foster learning. Show Transcript hello and welcome to this talk about child development and emotional regulation we're going to talk about particularly the elementary school years what's going on for our children and how we can support them to eat age of development a little bit about myself so you know whose voice is that your hearing I'm Martha Scott and I'm an occupational therapist I work in a variety of settings I work in adult neuro rehab so to the community stroke Rehabilitation team I also work at Forest City neurofeedback and there is an open environment where I do a lot of psychotherapy for adults and some younger individuals or something run as well and I also own and operate London sensory therapy where Pediatric Therapy Clinic we have social work occupational therapist behavioral analysis and Speech Pathology and so not only do I wear professional hot but on the second picture there you can see my fighting family this is on a trip to Toronto and I've got a boy and a girl they are 11 and 9 years old and we liked a lot of fun. weather so I'm speaking for a professional lens and I do have a little bit of experience myself living with two children who are in the elementary school years we're going to cover a few things today specifically psychosocial development and we're going to zero in on the stages 325 of the psychosocial development theory propose spy Mister Erikson are Dr Erickson and so there are lots of different stages to the theory but we're going to zero in on those particular stage is 325 and we'll talk about emotional and self-regulation towards the end of the slides so take what you feel matches your parenting style and if there are strategies here that you don't think we'll match not a problem take what you feel work best for yourself and for your family so there was a gentleman by the name of Erik Erikson who pioneered a theory of psychosocial development and this theory if you look at the picture on the left it starts in infancy so the red or maroon a square with a bottle on it that's the first stage and it goes around up and then down and ding with purple it takes you through the lifespan of a human and there are eight stages all together and Erickson proposal is that during each stage we need to develop a set of skills or some people talk about it as overcoming a challenge so each stage has its own challenge that weren't mean to overcome and when we overcome that challenge then we've gained a new skill so you can see underneath the white lettering there are different letters in Navy so for example infancy is trust versus mistrust and once you get infancy you learn to either trust or you develop a sense of mistrust that your needs will be met so at each stage people experience a challenge or a conflict and it's important to move through each stage in a positive because of these skills build on one another now this looks like a busy slide but it's all eight stages of emotional development and you can see that each stage has a specific angel so stage one is birth to 18 months and it's trust versus mistrust so it's a sense of trust and security is the world a safe place for me or is the world something that I can't count on this is where the most important aspects are we know will I be fed will my basic needs be met stage two is 18 months to three years so children who are in daycare or just before the end Elementary School are in this stage and is the Autonomy vs Shame and doubt so this is where children are developing a feeling of Independence a belief in their abilities a belief in their ability to try things to be independent or they may feel a shame and not they feel as though they can try things and be independent I'm going to talk a little bit more in detail about the stages 345 but just a touch on stage which is typically after kids have left in Elementary School Upper your high school years that one is intimacy versus isolation so they're answering the question of will I be alone looking relationships are looking for positive relationships filled with commitment and love and loyalty stage 7 is most of us as parents are in the stage cih 4265 and this is where they call it generativity versus stagnation so this is a desire to be productive to leave something for you know your community or family to succeed at work and that's followed by shhh which is ages 65 and up and they call this stage and Tegrity versus despair this is Legacy leaving its being prideful or if you content with what you've achieved in life what you're lie for the Next Generation have a feeling of satisfaction as to what you've done in your lifetime and being able to move through that those feelings so these three stages are the ones we're going to focus in on I'll talk about what each of you mean and what we can do to help our children move through them in a healthy way stage 3 is the ages of 3 to 5 years old and in this stage children are asking themselves Mi go it's an interesting question that Erickson poses but it's those with different levels to it and one of the levels is MI okay to try new things or if I make a mistake should I feel shame adult or should I just try again and so that's why they call this stage the crisis at the stages initiate initiation versus guilt so kids who develop initiatives they're eager to try new things they're not feeling excessive fear of failure and they learn what they can and they can't control and so kids who are able to go through the state successfully they are the ones who when they make mistakes they don't feel guilty or shame fall the understand that they just need to try again they need to try things on their own and explore their own abilities and every time they have a failure and are able to overcome that then they can develop ambition and Direction and so we're going to explore the things that we can do as caregivers to help our child develop initiative instead of feeling that guilt or shame or negative feelings when trying new activities arranging different play eats with children and variety of adults is one of the suggestions in order to give your child a sense of new experiences so when we think of new experiences it's not just new environments or new tasks or activities but it's acting with different people and so arranging play dates with a variety of different people who are trustworthy and are safe is going to give your child those experiences of socializing with different styles of people different age ranges and they get to explore the world and not social contacts the more variety of people your child interact the better rounded lb with feeling a confidence in meeting new people in the future and in being able to be aware that they are independent and that they are able to have a conversation or to play with or to be around a variety of different ages and stages of life and so arrange a muse playdates is an important part of a child's development during these years play involving the imagination is a key marker of this age and if you are involved in this play with your child giving them the roll Al allows them to practice developing leadership skills and feeling of confidence that they're in control and able to do well in different types of contact so this is a very safe way of exploring and controls in the world playing you know healthcare provider doctor nurse or both a child is playing school and let them be the teacher if a child is pretending to be a bus driver let them be The Driver allowing them to have the opportunity to be in charge and to direct the play is going to give them that sense of confidence and that sense of initiation that will allow them to carry that forward into the next stages this is an age where there's a lot of question my son is 9 and I'm still waiting for this stage to end but there's a lot of questions I can happen in a day and it's very important not only answer the question but to be interested in answering the question when we seem interested in the child's questions were promoting them to put themselves into a vulnerable position because when you ask a question it's admitting that you don't know something and those who are shut down when they ask questions very quickly learned it's not safe to ask questions and they always need to look like I know what I'm doing how many of us as adults might have some of that happening inside of us sometimes were scared to ask questions because we don't want to look stupid or feel shame and or guilt and so this is the stage where that becomes either you know an initiation where they're confident to ask a question that confident to Bebo Bebo neurable and let's let you know that they don't know something or they'll be a guilt it's for not knowing in the first place maybe they should have known that feeling of I can't ask because I'll get in trouble or I'll be bothering my parent showing a genuine interest in the fact that they're asking a question and providing that answer also I was on that they're worth your time and that they're worth an answer and so a lot of these cycle so social stages are about building confidence and the deeper level 2 that is building worth I know sometimes it can be a lot when you have you know that some questions in a day and if you're very tired and you just can't take any more questions let him know when a kind of a gentle way saying something like I really enjoy answering all your questions and I want to make sure I give you the right answers right now I'm feeling tired write down your questions or you can save them in your head and then we'll answer all of them tomorrow so making sure that they know that their questions are valuable and they are valuable for asking questions people who asked the most questions get the answers in life and some portent that we don't shut that down and that were able to let them know that it's important that they are worthy of our answers and have our time support your child when they make decisions this is what I like to a story of a child who was a friend of a family they have a child and we were camping along time ago and I remember this child I was a teenager in this child was quite young and he wanted to roast Michael the campfire and I remember the two reactions one of his parents told him not to do it but it was a stupid idea and the other parent said pickle and see what happens and as a teenager who I've never had kids at that point and I hadn't worked with kids very much right away I could sense the reaction the first parent that said don't don't roast the pickle that's a stupid idea the child right away hunched his shoulders and and what he heard was your stupid for having that idea the other parent he responded with Sherry. Go ahead and see what happens she was inviting him to explore a decision that he had made and let him come to the conclusion of whether it was a good idea and interesting idea I've had idea and indeed she took over and supported him and he did Rose the pickle and it didn't turn out but she had fun doing it and he had fun exploring the fact that he has an ability to control the world in in his own little realm and so when your supportive of decision who sang I put a picture here of a child put in a whole bunch of french fries in their mouth if that's something that's safe for them to do as long as I'm not allergic to the french fries or french fries aren't you hot why not allow them to put them all in their mouth and then ask them what happened. it was a good idea would you do it again let them reflect on what happened and that self-reflection is a vital skill to have us were older because when we make a decision it's important that we reflect on the outcome was something that was favorable to us or was it something that didn't work out well what could we do differently in the future and then were able to carry that forward and learn from it so being able to make your own decisions as long as it's safe I was a child to feel this initiative or this enthusiasm to come up with more ideas and to try more new things versus feeling guilty not for the idea but for even asking about the idea of sharing idea and what happens with a child who's constantly feeling those shame and guilt about having an idea to stop having ideas they stop wanting to do things because of the children who don't want to play sports they don't want to go outside just want to be in the room reading or on technology and so it's important that children who have ideas that are safe we can support this stage by allowing them to explore the idea and better yet awesome how did it go go through the consequences and the reaction of what happened in the end moving on to Stage for this happens during the ages of 5 to 12 years this is a big portion of the elementary school years and the conflicts are looking to overcome here is industry versus inferiority am I good at something and how can I be good at it or am I not successful and so a pause outcome of this stage is feelings of Pride and accomplishment this is an age where school is a very big component because it's the first time where they're not getting praised for doing a task the task itself is being evaluated so this is the first stage in life where they can actually start to try to do a task and they might not do well at at they might get low marks or they might fail one assignment and so this is where you have a lot of different things happening the child is starting to evaluate themselves based on their performance and also there is a comparison that happens between their peers and other people on their sports teams are in their leisure activities so there is a a lot going on here for a child in terms of am I good at things and how can I become better there are quite a few things that we can do as caregivers to help so let's look at some of those areas one of the first things we can do is look for areas where your natural Talent OR ability if they're good at art from old Pat let them feel that sense of accomplishment and enjoy their natural skills sometimes children tend to Veer towards something that they're not I really like basketball but they're not very good at it for instance I've had this experience with my own children sometimes they pick something that they want to do but they're not very good at it and so it's important that while I'm very happy that they want to do something that they're not very good at and I support that took personally that's something I could ever do growing up I would only do things that I felt I would be good at so it is it is a great skill to have I also have to balance that with things that my child Argo. So that they're not constantly feeling that uphill battle or that struggle so naturally we all possess talents whether it's in a physical activity or mental abilities it's important to have a good balance and to allow your child to spend some time doing those things that are naturally good at a naturally talented that and if they happen to also love those things and want to do more of those things this is a great way to start to build up confidence because it will leave the child wanting to do more of that and feeling like they're capable and competent and worthy of moving forward without fear of failing so this is a very key point I know that there is a lot I hope that the children will go into the same things we liked I like dance and I did have my daughter in dance she doesn't like dance so while I had to mourn her not pursuing the same passion I did I did have to open and listen for what was it that she was leaning towards things that she's good at and things that she loves and recognize that I had my childhood and I had my dreams fulfilled so why not let her guide her own processes call and support her in that the feeling of productivity is also a part of the stage is allowing a child to feel like they're able to help out around the house around the Garden or even build something and finishing it that also gives a sense of productivity like I created something I finished something so looking at how your child is able to naturally do this is going to be a key in the stage and I put down here. Positive praise and in brackets I put specifics so instead of saying something like you're a really big help today give me the specifics and the other thing I learned I was actually in a book call Tata talk to kids so kids will listen and listen so kids will talk I highly recommend that book there is some specific examples of a how to give a compliment so that the child will internalize the positive attribute so instead of saying the child you are very strong when you help me carry the gardening soil from one end to the other what one could say is it takes a lot of strength to be able to push that wheelbarrow from one end of the garden to the other thank you for your help and what they'll internalized is I'm strong or another example is building that Lego set takes a lot of creativity and it takes a lot of intelligence it's to put together all those pieces just like you did that's pretty impressive then they're going to internalized I'm creative I'm intelligent so giving a very specific praise is an important element helping a child start to take in those attributes that you're trying to instill so it's again instead of saying you are you can replace that way if it takes a lot of to complete this task sometimes it's tough when a child can't find their Niche so some children right away you know they've been singing or playing the piano since the age of three and that's what they have loved to do since then other children take a while to find their path and that's not a bad thing trying new things is a skill it's something that is an important aspect of life because when you try new things there's a lot of Courage that goes into that and there's a lot of mistakes that can be made it's easy to continue doing things that you're good at but trying new things is something that we need to support as parents and provide them with opportunities so if you're one of those parents were your child was lucky and they were able to find their passion at an early age and they're really good at it or talented that it's still important to provide them with other opportunities to try things that are a little bit different and to give a lot of encouragement and a lot of praise the other piece that can be helpful here where is to do it with your child so an example is I was trying to get my daughter to consider and synchronized swimming and I was being a little pushy about it I shouldn't have been but at one point she looked at me and said well if you want try it so badly why don't you do it so happy age of 38 I signed up for synchronized swimming we had an adult class and I did it my daughter didn't do it and I did it by myself but she call me trying something new and I tried it and it was a lot of fun and then I taught her some things when we were in a pool together and it was nice because it was something that we could have done together had she taken lessons and we could have been in the pool at the same time but it's also nice to either show them that you're trying new things or to try something new with them another example is violin lessons I asked my kids if they would you buy little lessons and I said well why don't you do them and I said okay tell him to accept it I found an instructor teach mother children lessons and the three of us to get together so it doing it together with your child can help build the Bond as well as help them if they're a little bit more timid and trying something new. All activities done with your child obviously but having that balance can be a fun way to explore new things another piece that's important for us to do while we're supporting our children is to help them develop and maintain habits that will help them to achieve Mastery so what this means is in order for a children to feel confident and successful they need to practice their skills so that they can get better at them and it's our job as caregivers to help then learn how to organize their day to practice the skills so whether or not it's becoming stronger in school and academics or becoming better up their extracurricular activities it's important that we as parents firmly structure practice time to help build the skills some kids are naturally able to carve out some time and their day but fewer are organized enough and committed to do this and so it is important to commit as a family maybe have a discussion if you are you know if you do have a partner to when are you going to devote what time in the day for your child to practice the skill whatever it maybe and perhaps ghetto coming up with a plan so every day after school maybe they get 30 minutes of time for technology but then after that there is 30 minutes of homework time so helping your child to Dubai a specific time to practice your skills are homework is going to help them be more successful and when they're more successful they're more likely to develop the feeling of Industry versus inferiority an example from my life is my son struggled a little bit with reading and he didn't feel good about it and it wasn't until I realized my responsibility as a parent to carve out some time for him to practice these skills course the school was doing their best they were doing a wonderful job but it wasn't until we started to have what we called family reading time wherever half an hour a day we would all sit together on the couch or cuddle together in bed and everyone had to have a book and Utica read and whether that meant a picture book where there was a few words on it it did help to instigate the the time in the day in the skillet we're sitting down and we're practicing this now and eventually at first it was like pulling but eventually the kids would say you know hey guys time for quiet reading time and we would all know that that's the time of day we've carved out I became more of a Hobbit so it's up to us as parents to instigate bad and to initiate that if you don't have to time to do that then perhaps you know while you're washing dishes after dinner that's the time where they need to be sitting at the kitchen table where you can see them and help keep them on track so that you're in the same room but you're not a silly doing it with them but they're still having your help and supporting time for practice this is Stage 5 and it's during the ages of 12 to 18 years and this is where children are developing and their sense of identity so who they are or what they believe in their value system versus confusion and a strong sense of identity leads to a more confident person a clear picture of who they want to be and what they're striving towards it answers questions such as who am I what do I want to work as how do I fit into society all of these questions of psychosocial development pair with the biological development that's happening during during puberty what's happening to my body all this causes a pretty tumultuous time and adolescents so there's a lot of different things that are happening for the Adolescent during the Age years and there was quite a few things that we can do to help them through it by the time children have hit this age and Stage they are already aware of your values and beliefs because of the time they spent with you up until this age you know attending church functions watching how do you Style Yourself watching what activities you're involved in and this is now the time where they're going to decide what fits their personality and they're going to start forming what they believe in and what their values are so there to use what the caregiver has taught them and start trying it on for size and this may actually look in the opposite direction they may do some opposite things to what they've been taught if you've always been very you know I kind of conservatively dressed they might try out dressing a little bit more and conservatively they might dye their hair they might join teams that you're surprised by they might explore Fades of different type all of this is part of that learning what beliefs values and identity matches them it doesn't mean they're going to stay in this phase it means a part of finding what they like is finding what they don't and sometimes in order to find out we don't like in life we have to experience those things and decide I don't really like that or that doesn't really make sense to me so when we talked about holding space for the Adolescent it's about being around being supportive but we're no longer trying to influence them with our values in a forceful way but we can let them know how we feel and how we live with the understanding that they're going to be making a decision for themselves and the less we push at this stage the more safe they're going to feel to explore and then eventually to come back if the best decision for them is one that doesn't line that's what we've taught them and what we've shown them so it's a difficult stage for parents because the stages previous is there a lot of guidance and teaching this is a stage where the guidance and teaching phase changes and instead of it being direct and you know you're telling them what they should believe in or telling them we know how they should dress and telling them what teams you think they should be on this is a phase now where you can let them go and you let them try to spread their wings a little bit so you're still there obviously you're going to step in if it's very unsafe decision or something that's you know toxic or negative but this is the stage where we're allowing them to spread their wings and come to us when they have their questions one of the things that we can do as caregivers allowed times of solitude and Solitude doesn't necessarily mean being alone in their room or a secluded Solitude can look like taking the dog for a walk this is a great responsibility to give our adolescent because it allows them to be with somebody so their Pet Companion but they're they're by themselves and so this is where technology can get in the way because you're never give me alone if you have technology you're always in contact and connection with peers or other influences so taking time away from social media we all know how important that is but this is one of the stages where it can be critical having time to think and just hear your thoughts is an important element of the stage and we as caregivers can promote that by having very strict rules around technology also following her child the opportunity and the spaces for spending some time by themselves so whether or not that's a quiet space like a quiet room where they want to sit and just be by themselves or going out into nature or even shooting some hoops on the driveway or at a local school those are all great examples of allowing time for Solitude where they can be by themselves to Think Through what's happening in their day who they want to be and their friend groups without that what influence so this one comes up again about allowing your truck a child to try new skills and provide opportunities for it so here again it's very important that children who are having for instance I might have you might see that there is strong advocate for the environment and so having them volunteer for a cleanup crew at a local Beach or at a local nature Conservation Area that's going to allow them to try out that hat on Forsyth so to speak to see if what activities they can do that are positive that align with their values and their beliefs if you have a child who really enjoys animals have the volunteer Veterinary Clinic maybe they want to start walking dogs as a little side business support those opportunities because these values and beliefs are things that are either going to stay with them and become stronger or they're going to decide that it's not necessary something that they believe in and so even having things like if your child is interested in in baking and this is an opportunity that they want to try to maybe create a small business with baking or big call retirement home with some seniors these are all very important things to be doing because it also allows your child to start to think about what they want to do later on in life I'm a very big proponent or an advocate of a shadowing or I'm tearing I think it's very helpful to allow your child to get a flavour for that role in life and to decide if that's something they want to do so I was able to decide that I wanted to do occupational therapy in high school and it's because I was given the opportunity to Shadow and volunteer quite a few different professions it's it could be as simple as going to your physical therapy appointment with you so they can see what a physiotherapy Clinic looks like or you know having a summer job we're so I work at a flower shop and I learned that that's not what I want to do in life I thought I was I was able to attend you know as shadowing day with an ultrasound technician I got to see with ultrasounds all about these Xperia says help to form who I am in my values and also it can help your adolescent to decide what it is that aligns with them and what it is they like to do for their career who it is important to our adolescence that we take note of their strengths and interests so again this is where sometimes parents can struggle if it's not something that aligns with something that we grew up with if you were very big into hockey and your child isn't maybe they like basketball or maybe they don't like sports maybe they like art or music it's important that we can put aside our goals and dreams because those were for our life and that we can help support our adolescent while also supporting them as a person so letting them know that they're appreciated loved and honoured even if they're not successful maybe they're on a team that's always losing that's okay as long as they know that you're supporting their goals are dreams and their strengths and their interests quite a few children at this age start to develop different passions whether it's in the Arts or in the sports and it's important that were there were there for the they might not talk to us he might pretend that you know there's my mom to my pretend that we're not even there but they notice and when you're able to support that or maybe bring it or give them opportunities for instance if they like making soap maybe going to a craft show and say hey there's a crash over here maybe you can sell some of your soap that is so meaningful to them because it means that you believe in them and if you believe in them then they'll believe in themselves just a couple signs about self-regulation in terms of self-regulation the stage is that we just talked about they can help us determine our values our beliefs develop confidence so that we are able to manage the external environment and regulate our emotions there are many definitions for self-regulation it really is a combination of thoughts and emotions and behaviours so if you're able to understand what your emotion are and how thoughts can impact emotions then your behaviour towards others and the environment in response to your thoughts and emotions can be managed if you're not aware of your thoughts and your emotions sometimes behaviours can be destructive to ourselves or to others and this is where self-regulation skills can come in our bodies are always trying to maintain a balance and so sometime when the world is overstimulating it can lead children to break down heck you can even lead adults to break down and a breakdowns look different depending on the age for a very small child it's going to be yelling throw King hitting screaming running for an adolescent it might be shutting down swearing slamming doors not following rules and four adults it can be no passive aggressiveness or hello digression self-regulation is a term that means that despite no matter what's going on whether it's good or bad were able to maintain calm and maintain control of our behavioral response sometimes can see behaviorist with under simulation so some children need to have more stimulation than they're provided or else our system gets irritated or board because if you're too under the related and bored you can't pay attention and if you're over stimulated and overwhelmed then you also can't pay attention so the stimulation in the environment needs to be just right and this is where sometimes we have a lot of children coming into our Clinic you have that regulated and need to learn some tips about how to self-regulate either if they're under stimulated because their sensory seeking or they need more stimulation or if they're over stimulated they're very sensitive to lights sounds woman's touch and they need to learn how to regulate their emotional response to feeling so overwhelmed big feelings are normal and natural and feelings and our behaviours are an important form of communication so the problem is is that a lot of the times we try to teach our children how to act appropriately your head emotionally regulate when they're in the middle of an emotional response it's important to provide a safe environment for that emotional response so if they're having a tantrum at home as long as you're safe the Tantrum has to play out they have to get that energy out and then it's only when they're calm that you can take time to name feelings that may have been happening to practice calming strategies so it needs to be done when they're calm versus in the middle of the moment if your child starts tantruming in the grocery store removing them from the store have letting them have their tank I'm in the car eventually when things calm down it could be a couple hours later that's when you need to sit down and have a discussion about what happened and the appropriate behaviours if we're trying to do it in the middle of the storm the child won't be able learn because of talk about it in the next Slide the fight or flight response we have two systems that play in our body we have the sympathetic nervous system which is called the fight-or-flight they've added a couple more free orphan and the parasympathetic nervous system so that is the rest I just and repair mode we should always be or more so be in the parasympathetic nervous system we should be quite calm so that were able to die our food our bond is able to repair itself when we're stressed out for instance if you have a near-miss on the road or if you're doing a job interview or writing an exam or doing a presentation your pro going to be a little bit more stressed out that's okay that's part of our body mechanism but for children who are chronically stressed out there are not able to function very well and the reason why is because when you're in the tiger States or the fight flight freeze or Fawn your brain isn't going to be able to problem-solve and to remember very much your brain will be able to act quickly it'll have other things turn on but in terms of things needed for learning learning is a very it needs to be done in a calm environment the brain can't learn when it's stressed out I just wanted to touch on what the freeze and fawn sulfite is if you have something stressful happening then you're going to fight back flight is you have something special happen and you run away you get away you get out of the situation freeze describes people who don't do either they literally stay in one spot and they freeze this in adulthood or adolescence might look like a child who's being yelled at by their caregiver and they don't talk back cuz that would be fighting they don't run away that would be flight they just don't say anything that you stand there and don't say anything fun is a newer one as well and this is one that's typically seen in children who grew up in abused Holmes van is a child who will just do anything guarantor the guardian or the aggressor tells them so van happens when you have a child who has learned that in order to survive and stay safe they will do anything about the aggressor was asking them to do so the van and and just go along with whatever it is it's a very sad state for four people some adults have this as well and it's not a healthy way to deal with stress in some situations can be something that you learn as a survival mechanism but typically it's it's a it's kind of a negative one we want to be in the parasympathetic State you want to be calm and so it's important that we do teach our children how to calm down and we promote a safe environment because again only a calm child is going to be able to think straight think properly and memories very much affected by stress as well so if you want your children doing well and their activities then it's important that they have the the comment cells down one of the fastest ways to calm down is to do some deep breathing and there's lots of different deep breathing exercises out there one of the best ways to teach a child how to do proper breathing technique thinking about smelling the flower so you're breathing in through your nose and then you want to breathe out through pursed lips so blowing out the candle in order to get the timing right of breathing you can do a couple things there is a ham the five finger breathing as shown there with the green hand where you're breathing in as you're moving up the finger pausing at the tip and then breathing out and doing this all the way along the hand is going to give you five nice controlled breaths you may have also heard of box breathing there's an in breath ahold and a note breath followed by a whole each have the same interval of seconds so the idea here is that a person is becoming Mindful and being aware of their breathing and typically you when we're in a stress response are breathing is shallow and fast when we relax our breathing is slower so if we can actively change our breathing then we can change what's happening in our body so if I'm controlling my breath then that's sending signals to my brain to release relaxing hormones and chemicals and it will allow me to relax there is a term called Cole regulation and this talks about the connection between ourselves and our children a lot of times our children are watching us and and feeling us out to sea how we're feeling so you may have noticed that if you're running late for something and you're stressed out that's usually when our children decide to have a meltdown or had to be difficult and a part of that is because they can see that we're stressed out they are regulating with us so they're watching our emotional responses and they're mimicking those so it's important to regulate ourselves as caregivers in order to allow a child to regulate there is no that my children are going to be calm if I'm not calm so one of the first things that I need to do is to check in with myself maybe do some of those reading reading strategies and then to be able to regulate my own emotions so that I can read with my child what are the ways that we can do this is just a have fun together building that Bond there is a saying connection before correction and it's important to have that bond between the child and yours because if you are trying to give a correction to a behaviour or their Tantra meaning and they're trying to take control of the situation and help them through it they're going to do much better if they have that connection with you so there is some ideas are about spending time together to give him lots of encouragement and praise and talking about you no feelings and strategies together when when they're calm so that when things are happening and you need to be able to get through to them you've got that ability because you have that connection sometimes it's helpful to have a feelings chart this helps children to identify how they're feeling there are quite a few children who have trouble with identifying what they're feeling some children particularly those with autistic Tendencies or ADHD machine is allowed within our Clinic they have trouble delineating between negative emotions or positive ones for that matter so an example is a child who feels and emotion may always be interpreting that as one emotion so when we talked about lots of different negative emotions expressed sadness shame all of those are examples of negative emotions and they're all different but sometimes children have trouble delineating between one so they choose one to stick with sew-in example is there maybe a child who decides that anytime they feel a negative emotion that must be guilt and so these other children who it is sad but we do have children who do come in because they're saying things like I shouldn't be here I'm back and those are all emotions are made of guilt and shame and so even if there was someone perhaps let's just give an example maybe there was a bully that came up to the child and stole their ball then your child might might come home and say something like you know I should be here I'm a bad person and meanwhile the emotion they should be feeling is anger and irritation that someone came in and took their ball so delineating between emotions is a skill that sometimes can be tricky for some of our children and so have I an emotional charts like this if you can help 2.2 what are you feeling right now or maybe it can be at my feelings or monitor so using numbers on a scale if your child are having problems with this this is something that our social girls are wonderful at working on with children so developing that emotional identification skill and helping children know how to identify their emotions and it's starting to how do I deal with feelings of anger how do I deal with feelings of sadness what are some coping mechanisms I can try these are some books that are wonderful social worker Kara recommended there's some great resources some great books talking about feelings and how do I identify them in a beautifully Illustrated manner there's lots of different books out there but these are just some of them and also using a a noticing prompt when I feel blank my body I need so an example of this as a child you might prompt them to say something like when I feel tired my body feels heavy I need sleep or another one might be when I feel anxious my body feels tingly I need a calm room so it helps your child to identify the feeling what happens in the body and what they need and if you have any need for additional help we are here. We are one of the social worker clinics in the community that has lots of them out there I encourage you to take a look at our social workers are specialized in Pediatrics and our Clinic is set up for kids specifically teens as well as care providers and caregiver we also offer occupational therapy services so we look at things like emotional regulation as well as picky eating sensory issues thinking skills find water challenges and we have separate clinic for. Invite finally for those who may have children with very destructive behaviours in children and young adults we do have a board certified Behavioral Analyst and she offers training to the caregiver list of what to do to manage certain behaviours and this can be you know what small as having trouble with toilet training to as heavy as destroying property you know that those destructive behaviours and patterns if they need to be managing you're not sure how to do it then feel free to reach out or hear thank you so much for having us and for allowing us to share this information with you please don't hesitate to visit us on our website and if anyone has any questions I'd love to hear from it's info at London sensory therapy. Calm that email goes straight to me and I'd love to hear from you have a wonderful day